Who am I anymore?

Once upon a time, there was a girl that knew what she wanted and dreamed of a path for her life. She wanted to save the children of the world by teaching and nurturing them as an educator. She attended college and started her journey with eagerness in her heart. Along the way she married her high school sweetheart and life was perfect.  Then life pressed the gas petal.  This journey started to speed up when kids entered their life and she became a mom. She started to question who she was and what her purpose was.   She did everything halfway (parenting, teaching, being a spouse, daughter, etc.) and she prayed on what to do. Really hoping for 25 maids but that didn’t happen. One morning she decided to quit her job and live that stay at home mom life. WHAT A DREAM! ha ha ha  It sounded so easy.  Well, newsflash, that girl is me. That’s right ME. Hi… my name is Chelse and I often ask myself, who am I anymore?

DISCLAIMER

First things first, I haven’t found the answer to this question.  Don’t bother scrolling down looking for the magical response.  Although, I can tell you it is a journey and you may be on this crazy journey too.

Highs & Lows

Well, if I stop and think about it, I really am a lot of things. The usual: mom, wife, friend, part-time writer/blogger, coffee drinker, and whatever else my kids want me to be. Sometimes I question the decision to quit teaching and wonder if I was crazy. Other days it is like rainbows and unicorns. Although, the majority of the days are full of highs and lows.  From potty training mishaps to forgetting laundry in the washer for days, yes days. I fully understand I just published a laundry blog post not too long ago and I have failed sticking to it.  Almost everyday I find myself apologizing to my kids for yelling or requesting a outrageous demand.  Can I handle this job of being “just” a mom?  I sure hope I’m not the only one who has felt like this before.  On the flip side,  85% of my day is watching my kids grow, laugh, smile, jump, question A LOT, and I get to have a front row seat.  It is a blessing to be able to get this opportunity to have such an impact in my children’s lives.  So why do I feel like being a stay at home mom comes with identify theft?

Who am I anymore?

I believe God has me right where he needs me.   Now it’s my turn to just wait.  It sounds simple, but why is it so hard to swallow that pill?  I have learned to adapt to the SAHM life.  Whatever that stereotype is.  Although, I feel like having the ability to stay home allows some shift on my priorities.  I do have a passion for helping moms and showing real life as a mom.  Motherhood is hard and I’m not sure why we think we can do everything alone.  Don’t read into this. My husband is very hands on and helps with the boys a TON.  Social media can portray a “perfect parent” sometimes.  I always want to show all sides of parenting.  I do look for the joy amidst the chaos.  Hence ENJOY THE CHAOS.

We have been discussing life’s seasons at church and to remember that they are NOT permanent.  A season comes and goes. This is my season.  Let’s remember that seasons have different meanings.  I’m not saying this season is hard, it is, but it is different from what I have ever experienced.  There is a learning period and with His help I will be what He needs me to be.  I told you I wasn’t going to have a definite answer at the bottom.

Photos: Kristen Soileau Freeman